MY Last Goodbye
by slushhy
Summary: It's sad, I'm sure its obvious


First Fan fic, I just really like the song.

Pls don't sue the song belongs to Trading Yesterday..

And all characters from mr Tom Lynch

I've got to walk away while there's still hope  
Learn to erase the love I know  
And let you go  
'Cause what I thought was love was only lies  
Taking what you want, left me behind  
As my heart dies

I watch as you threw things you can get your hands on, on the floor, on the wall anywhere. Hearing the sound of breaking or crumbling like my love for you.

I watch this all as you go lose your control, with all your emotions raging forth from your chest like lava from a erupting volcano. Screaming and swearing with angry tears spilling over your beautiful face that once upon a time I adored. And loved with all my heart.

I watch it all.

I feel strangely numb. I have already gone through what you are going through. Too many times in the past that I have lost count. Every time you are out of our love nest, out of this house we used to call home, I have erupted like a sleeping dragon.

Yet, now all I feel is pity.

Not for me but for you. I have already seen this coming. I have prepared myself for this. I am finally ready to let go. I can't keep drowning in all this chaos that we have made. Intentionally or not. I can't keep grasping at straws that are too weak, to bind us together. I am done with drowning in this pool that you have created between us.

You look at me with such sorrow in your eyes. With such sadness and despair. You look at me as I sit there on the bed we have made loved at, cuddled with and talked about our future. You watch me as silent tears fall on my cheeks that I never knew was there. But you look at me in the eye and see that I have finally given up.

So here we are again  
Knowing this will never end  
So I must let go

That the once twinkling blue eyes that held such love for you is now dead and gone. The only thing left is this hard cold emotionless eyes that stare back at you. Unflinching with even the tears that fall from her eyes.

"Spence.." you struggled out from your dry lips. Choking on the name that ones you had said with such pleasure and love.

I shrugged my shoulders and looked out the window, outside the LA busy streets where cars go by every day, where the sun used to shine our home, illuminating our love.

But now all I see are the tiny stars barely visible from the smog of the LA sky.

"I'm done Ashley. Just done." I said simply. With no emotion in my voice. It has been a long time coming. I am finally tired.

You walked over and and knelt in front of me, dropping your head on my lap. I still don't look. I can't. This was enough. I can't look and see how beautiful your hair is with the dancing lights from the window, giving it all the shades that I can't describe.

But I can't help but run my hand over your head like a child. I feel the texture on my finger and my palm but not the sensation it used to bring me when we are together like this after our heated love making. I can't look in your eyes and not see the golden specks that you used to look at me with that made feel all warm and loved inside. You have lost that look a few months ago. I used to crave that look in your eyes, to have you look at me with such love and hunger that I once we shared. But I knew it wasn't there anymore. And however much I had tried to bring it back. I had no such power.

This is my last goodbye  
Leaving all the memories of you behind  
I will not wait here  
And waste my whole life  
Waste my whole life

Your shoulders are shaking again. And I feel fresh tears fall from my eyes. But I still can't look. It is enough that we had our talk earlier. It is enough that finally, finally we can be honest with each other that we can't make each other happy anymore like we used to. It is enough that finally I had the guts to love myself more than I loved you. It is enough that you finally understand that not everything you do is forgivable.

I gently take you off my lap. You did not resists. You knew it was just an act of kindness on my part. It is enough for you.

" Ashley, I'm going to go. I will have my brother pick up my stuff tomorrow." I said with a voice devoid of any emotion. As I stood on the tiny curtain we call a door that lead to our bedroom, your bedroom. It's not ours anymore. You made sure of that.

I can see you now with opened eyes  
When you come around I realize  
That I don't need you to survive

" Spence.. Please.. Can we.. can we.. talk about this? Please?" You begged in that voice that I have heard in my dreams often, and most especially my nightmare when I found you in bed with that girl from one of your gigs. In our bed.

" No. For once Ashley.. I want to do this for myself. I am tired of loving you. Tired of not leaving anything for myself. Tired of this life that we barely have together. Aren't you? Because I am. Extremely tired. Please don't be selfish. If you.. If you love me a little, even as a friend you will let me go."

I will not begin  
The fight that we could never end  
So I am letting go

I can barely get the words out as a feel that tightening in my chest again. That emotion that I thought I had all under control. I still don't turn around. I still can't barely look at you. And you're still hunched over the bed. Not moving. Still holding on to the sheets that used to contain our passion for each other. Now all gone. Only cold sheets.

I heaved a heavy sigh. And walked purposely out of your loft. I don't look back and see your world crumble. To see that look in your eyes that could possibly turn me back in your arms. That look makes me want to comfort you even when you hurt me all the time.

My passion, my poison  
The life and death of me  
I can't take you taking everything  
From a love never meant to be

And I pass all our photos when we were still both happy and in love. In a time and place where we though we were invincible and that nothing can stop us. How young were we think that it was even possible. In this world where everything is out to get us.

This is my last goodbye  
Leaving all the memories of you behind  
I will not wait here  
And waste my whole life

I let out a breathe when I reached the floor of your building and relish the cold wind that was rare in sunny LA. I may have left everything I had thought was my life but I knew that tomorrow is a new beginning. And I will take this day one step at a time.

And I finally after all this months of fake sincerity, I can smile. As tears still fall on my face, for the love of my life that I have to leave behind. Knowing it was for the best. For me and for her. Finally, Spencer Carlin grew up.

This is my last goodbye  
This will be my final tear for love to die  
I will not wait here  
And waste my whole life  
With my last goodbye


End file.
